Thank you so much for the spoiler. I lost a child to mental illness suicide a few months ago and at first I was thinking of reading this to see if her sisters ought to do so as well. Based on the ending you describe, absolutely not! Thanks.
Thanks. She was 18 years and 7 days, graduated from high school 2 days before.
This really has given me a new understanding of the scale of human suffering and the depth of God's love.
I have a good friend whose daughter has been slowly killing herself with drugs for over 8 years: living on the street; high as a kite; renting her body for her next fix. The two of them scour the homeless encampments in S.F. looking for her every month. Sometimes they find her; sometimes not. June 9th, 2025 was worst day of my life. But it was a single day. They've been living that day for 8 years straight.
As for understanding the depth of God's love? Let's just say I pray every morning to a God who lost his own child as well. A God who says to me, "I know what you're going through" and really means it.
This is very poignant. I appreciate you sharing it. It is, as you say somewhat impossible to measure the various forms of suffering against one another. There is a way in which 8 years of suffering is far worse than a single day of suffering. But your last point is the most important of all, how wonderful it is to be able to lay our burdens on someone who understands all of our suffering.
Have you written more about your experience on your blog? I'm subscribed, but only recently. I just took a quick glance, and found a great joke about Aristotle, but I didn't see a post about your daughter. If there is one I'd love to read it. Though I could entirely understand it also being too painful to excavate in that fashion.
My post on Job is the only one that touches on her. I'm not ready to talk about her in detail in such a public setting yet, especially since her sisters are still at home and some of my students subscribe to my blog.
This is an excellent review, and I agree with the individual points so much that I basically wouldn't have to write a review myself if someone asked me why I liked the novel so much.
Hmm... I'm an advocate for euthanasia for mental illness because of the grind... I'm committed to preventing impulsive teenage suicide, or impulsive any age suicide, but think that well thought out consistent persistent suicide intent should be facilitated. How to destigmatise suicide and facilitate it in some circumstances while preventing it in others. I see plenty of psych patients who I'd rather be dead than have their lives. I don't think a life of suffering has inherent value - if it's unwanted. But I'm surprised FdB took this angle.
A really powerful review written by a talented writer about a gritty, real, devastating book.
It inspired the below:
Most people don’t quit with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not in dramatic collapse, but in small surrenders:
a little less effort, a little less belief,
one excuse at a time.
Like bankruptcy, this happens gradually, and then all at once.
Life can feel like a slow, grinding ache: a treadmill of almosts and not-yet-enoughs and Lord-have-mercys.
But it doesn’t have to end in resignation.
When you hit the wall (and you will)
meet every “I can’t go on”
with a stubborn, unreasonable,
“I’ll go on.”
That’s where the story turns.
Thank you so much for the spoiler. I lost a child to mental illness suicide a few months ago and at first I was thinking of reading this to see if her sisters ought to do so as well. Based on the ending you describe, absolutely not! Thanks.
You're welcome. And I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a child like that. My prayers go out go you.
Thanks. She was 18 years and 7 days, graduated from high school 2 days before.
This really has given me a new understanding of the scale of human suffering and the depth of God's love.
I have a good friend whose daughter has been slowly killing herself with drugs for over 8 years: living on the street; high as a kite; renting her body for her next fix. The two of them scour the homeless encampments in S.F. looking for her every month. Sometimes they find her; sometimes not. June 9th, 2025 was worst day of my life. But it was a single day. They've been living that day for 8 years straight.
As for understanding the depth of God's love? Let's just say I pray every morning to a God who lost his own child as well. A God who says to me, "I know what you're going through" and really means it.
This is very poignant. I appreciate you sharing it. It is, as you say somewhat impossible to measure the various forms of suffering against one another. There is a way in which 8 years of suffering is far worse than a single day of suffering. But your last point is the most important of all, how wonderful it is to be able to lay our burdens on someone who understands all of our suffering.
Have you written more about your experience on your blog? I'm subscribed, but only recently. I just took a quick glance, and found a great joke about Aristotle, but I didn't see a post about your daughter. If there is one I'd love to read it. Though I could entirely understand it also being too painful to excavate in that fashion.
My post on Job is the only one that touches on her. I'm not ready to talk about her in detail in such a public setting yet, especially since her sisters are still at home and some of my students subscribe to my blog.
The description reminds me of Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons, have you read that?
I have! The comparison hadn't occurred to me, but you're right there are definite similarities.
This is an excellent review, and I agree with the individual points so much that I basically wouldn't have to write a review myself if someone asked me why I liked the novel so much.
Hmm... I'm an advocate for euthanasia for mental illness because of the grind... I'm committed to preventing impulsive teenage suicide, or impulsive any age suicide, but think that well thought out consistent persistent suicide intent should be facilitated. How to destigmatise suicide and facilitate it in some circumstances while preventing it in others. I see plenty of psych patients who I'd rather be dead than have their lives. I don't think a life of suffering has inherent value - if it's unwanted. But I'm surprised FdB took this angle.